[In some respects, it was easier to die than deal with the aftermath of death. Minato has always been aware of that, always perceived in part that his death was an escape, a release of his duties that was unimpeachable. He was doing them even in death in his case, wasn't he? Maybe he was abandoning them emotionally, but he was keeping them safe for eternity, whatever that meant to him. Obviously that was the more important goal and he'd never regretted choosing it, not really.
But at the same time, if he ever gave himself room to examine it, Minato wouldn't be sure at all that he'd have the fortitude to endure the resulting fallout himself. Life before meeting them had always been a gray slog, drifting through a morass of faceless others that were left indistinct by his apathy. Escaping that was like sleeping, only he never had to wake up. Explaining that to them without hurting them was impossible. And so he'd been relieved none of his teammates here were from after the confrontation with Nyx... and he's relieved again now. His heart rate settles (when had that elevated?) and if he's smart enough or perceptive enough to question this answer, then he elects not to.
Selective self-knowledge has always been his primary coping mechanism. The idea that he's someone that needs protection, or moreso than Ken could need to protect him, has never occurred to him.
Minato lets out a silent breath. The sounds around him filter back in.] That's good. So you have Kala-Nemi again, both ways. I never asked, but that means...
[He grows wistful.] You've found your reason? [Just like he'd found his, eventually. Minato had never known the details of this for Ken before, he'd just known that it'd happened.]
no subject
But at the same time, if he ever gave himself room to examine it, Minato wouldn't be sure at all that he'd have the fortitude to endure the resulting fallout himself. Life before meeting them had always been a gray slog, drifting through a morass of faceless others that were left indistinct by his apathy. Escaping that was like sleeping, only he never had to wake up. Explaining that to them without hurting them was impossible. And so he'd been relieved none of his teammates here were from after the confrontation with Nyx... and he's relieved again now. His heart rate settles (when had that elevated?) and if he's smart enough or perceptive enough to question this answer, then he elects not to.
Selective self-knowledge has always been his primary coping mechanism. The idea that he's someone that needs protection, or moreso than Ken could need to protect him, has never occurred to him.
Minato lets out a silent breath. The sounds around him filter back in.] That's good. So you have Kala-Nemi again, both ways. I never asked, but that means...
[He grows wistful.] You've found your reason? [Just like he'd found his, eventually. Minato had never known the details of this for Ken before, he'd just known that it'd happened.]