[In some respects, it was easier to die than deal with the aftermath of death. Minato has always been aware of that, always perceived in part that his death was an escape, a release of his duties that was unimpeachable. He was doing them even in death in his case, wasn't he? Maybe he was abandoning them emotionally, but he was keeping them safe for eternity, whatever that meant to him. Obviously that was the more important goal and he'd never regretted choosing it, not really.
But at the same time, if he ever gave himself room to examine it, Minato wouldn't be sure at all that he'd have the fortitude to endure the resulting fallout himself. Life before meeting them had always been a gray slog, drifting through a morass of faceless others that were left indistinct by his apathy. Escaping that was like sleeping, only he never had to wake up. Explaining that to them without hurting them was impossible. And so he'd been relieved none of his teammates here were from after the confrontation with Nyx... and he's relieved again now. His heart rate settles (when had that elevated?) and if he's smart enough or perceptive enough to question this answer, then he elects not to.
Selective self-knowledge has always been his primary coping mechanism. The idea that he's someone that needs protection, or moreso than Ken could need to protect him, has never occurred to him.
Minato lets out a silent breath. The sounds around him filter back in.] That's good. So you have Kala-Nemi again, both ways. I never asked, but that means...
[He grows wistful.] You've found your reason? [Just like he'd found his, eventually. Minato had never known the details of this for Ken before, he'd just known that it'd happened.]
[Ken's fully healed, but he still remembers the ache of... Metis throwing that table at him. His throat still remembers the tightness of her trying to strangle him, and the momentary heat when Aigis defeated them and they ended up turning into fire.
He turned into fire. Why is that not actually the strangest thing he's been through? He keeps the phone against his ear as he and Koromaru start to walk, step after step down the American sidewalk. The air is cooler than he remembers.
He remembers the sting of Aigis' bullet across his cheek, right under his eye. A millimeter over and she could have blinded him. An inch over, and will that bullet have shot through his skull? Ken listens to Minato's question and forces himself to listen instead of thinking too hard about how lucky he is, to be able to listen to this person's voice again. He doesn't want to be without it ever again. Not if he can help it.
Minato should never find out what came after, he thinks to himself. He shouldn't, and it shouldn't matter, because what mattered was the time he had right now, isn't it? If he can only move forward... then it's unnecessary to hurt him with something like that.]
... The answer, I haven't found yet, [he says, stuffing the Truths into a chest in his heart and locking it, throwing the key away.] But I know what I'm going to do. Here, back home. I'm going to move forward, as far as I can go, and maybe I'll find the answer on the way.
[He's silent for a moment, reflecting on that. All of the pent up whirl of emotion that'd swept through him releases itself in the barest edge of a smile.]
It's funny, [he muses.] I think that was what I said to you a few months ago... wasn't it? Because it was what had happened to me.
[Minato certainly hadn't been looking for it when it'd happened to him. He'd resisted it for months, in fact-- or maybe just been clueless. When was it stubborn refusal and when was it understandable ignorance? It was hard, absurdly hard to find and accept a reason to move forward. It was the whole mentality behind the Fall, and Minato wasn't exempt from it: that sucking inward pull, an undertow pulling you into isolation and emotional parsimony, a kind of protective inner miser doling out attachment and commitment in as small increments as possible.
He'd just stumbled upon the thing that had pierced that protective shell, made the vulnerability worth it instead of a cause for prickly defensiveness. Hearing that Ken plans to go the same way, if more purposefully, is a little warming somehow. Maybe it's like part of him will continue on without him... Minato has never felt that urge before, to have affected others. To be remembered.]
[So Minato explains, and silently, Ken thinks, I know. He also knows where that direction ultimately led him.
I don't think he has any regrets, Metis had said, but was Minato capable of thought or emotions as the seal? What could he see from that lonely corner of the universe? How did he feel, right now, with all these secrets that he'd kept to himself? Or at least from Ken. Because Ken, looking back on the time the'd spent together so far, is under no illusion that Minato doesn't know about his own fate yet.
He can't tell Minato what he knows. He can't tell Minato, or Akihiko, or Shinjiro, or anybody what he and Koromaru have seen, what they have been through. Ken had been the furthest back of the team before; now, he was ahead of everybody, even Minato because Minato's time in Iwatodai has not moved forward since that day. And how can you tell someone that you've moved forward from that?
You just don't. And to Ken, it doesn't matter what happened back there. He said it to Shinjiro and he said it to Tetsuo and the belief doesn't change for Minato, either: his time is still moving here, and as far as Ken is considered, it will keep moving. They're alive here.
He laughs. It's a soft sound.]
You're a dirty cheater, you knew it was going to happen, Minato-san.
But you're right. It was what you said. I'm ready to move forward...
[It's just as well it's audio, because it makes Minato feel freer to answer Ken's soft laugh with his own edge of a smile. There'd been a few days there where he'd been convinced he'd never hear it again. Elizabeth's promise seems, as time passes, to become a distant dream-- what's real, what's in front of him, is who's here. And there's nothing to say that Ken won't one day leave this world and not return.
There's nothing to say all of Minato's friends won't leave one day, and he'll be here where even death isn't an answer.
Right now, though... right now... All he can focus on is how much easier his breath is coming without that weight on his chest.]
I did tell you I was 'cheating'. But even so, I still have faith that you'll be alright.
Do you know what you'll do next, or is it the same as it was before you left?
[There's a certain tone to Ken's voice, like he might just be chatting with a school friend on the phone. An easiness to the way he talks, a lack of that urgency that was usually quite characteristic of him. And truly, that's how he feels right now. Despite the answer that he gives Minato, there, is in fact, nothing for Ken to hurry back to anymore. The end he promised Shinjiro he would see through to had arrived, and there was nothing for him to do anymore.
That's kind of nice. There's nothing he has to do. So he's free todo whatever the hell he wants, whether that is to keep fighting or return to being a civilian or be a hero in this world for however long he's here. Maybe it's another week. Maybe another year. Maybe he'll grow old and retire and collect social security and even die here before he gets sent back to being eleven. But he doesn't think that far ahead, because just on the other end of this line is someone he had, only hours ago in that isolated dormitory, accepted that he would probably never see again.
Here in this world, Minato is here. However long that may be. And Minato can only be here, and he doesn't want to waste it. This is the world that gave him the chances after he overlooked them the first time. Desperately, desperately, he swallows back the dread and anxiety that tries to crawl up his throat much like Erebus had reached for the Seal. It still gives him shivers, thinking about that monstrous, disgusting thing trying to get to what had been -- what still was -- Minato. His smile falters for a moment, so he's glad that this is audio.]
I have no idea, you know? But... I think that's okay, now. I think, first, I should find all the people who left me all these messages while I was gone. I'd like to see you again, too.
[Ken does seem much more relaxed. Minato's relieved. He often feels like he's bumbling along in this role which he'd taken on with complete earnestness, but no practical experience, and in truth little idea at all what he's doing. So many of his relationships have started this way so he hadn't been put off by it, but when it's someone he's responsible for, when it's a teammate and moreso his 'ward', it presses on him more.
He's honestly glad to hear that Ken has become okay. He'd known he would, or at least thought so based on what he'd seen-- they'd never had a social link-- but that's not the same as it being true here.
That's all that's going through his mind. He's certainly not thinking about Erebus. Of all the topics Minato avoids, that one he avoids the most vehemently.]
Did you call me first? Ah... I shouldn't keep you. But I'd like to see you, too.
Your piano must be rusty now, huh? We should practice.
[The most honest answer: No. But explaining why he called Hisoka the Magician of all people first? Not happening. Besides, he didn't call Hisoka, so it's fine, right?
Besides, Ken's heartbeat is too busy picking up speed right now. I'd like to see you too. He was waffling on whether he should ask to see him or not, wanting to look at his face but not sure how pushy is too pushy, which is silly considering who he's talking to but he's relieved to hear it from Minato, first, and he stops in his steps. He's just outside the Porter, hasn't declared his destination yet.]
I want to see you too, Minato-san. I definitely have to practice again, I want to play something with you.
[It's more the hiding it than doing it that would worry Minato, but since he doesn't know, there's nothing for him to pry into.
As much as Ken hadn't been sure he'd ever see Minato again, Minato had been equally uncertain. If he'd never come back, there was no way... So of course he wants to see him, to appease that irrational part of himself that needs reassurance that it's real and not just a voice on the phone.
It's not like Minato hasn't spoken to people no one else could see before.]
Actually, Ken-kun... about that... [A short pause. Minato isn't one to show hesitation very often; he just sounds faintly reluctant.] Could I ask you for a favor?
[He's very, very glad this is a phone call and not a video chat. His heart trips up and skips a few beats. There's a momentary panic as he nearly bursts with eagerness -- a favor? What could Minato need? -- and then dread -- did he know?
But it's just a phone call, and Minato has no way of knowing, right? It'll be for nothing if he lets it slip now! And if Minato, that Minato Arisato, needs a favor from him, then Ken will be damned if he doesn't do his best to come through on it.]
[Astuteness is not exactly Minato's middle name. He can be if he applies himself, but most of the time he drifts through life uncaring. He does care now, but the drifting part hasn't much changed.
Which is the whole reason he needs this favor. Sounding just a little bit flatly put upon,] They told me at school I need to apply for university, but there's nothing I really feel strongly about aside from music, so I thought I'd apply to that...
But I have to audition. If you think you could learn the piano for Clair de Lune, that would be really helpful.
[But would Minato rather have a more technically proficient stranger to accompany him, or a close friend he wasn't sure he'd ever see again? No contest. It's not like he cares if he gets into college anyway. Minato could work at the clothing store indefinitely as long as he got to keep seeing his friends.]
[The shock is momentary and Ken recovers quickly. Minato, considering university. Or, considering the fact that he was told to apply to university, as was typical Minato fashion. But isn't this exactly what they hoped for? No matter what, tomorrow comes. As long as there's a tomorrow, and they reach for it...]
No! [he blurts out before he's even finished the thought.] No, I want to do it! I'll be happy to.
[What was all this commotion about in his response?? Minato is clueless. He only knows he's disgruntled by being forced to make decisions about his future and is attempting to go the path of least resistance, as per usual.]
Okay. I appreciate it. ... It's easier to play for friends than strangers. Does that make sense?
[Mostly because that's who he's playing for regardless.]
I think I get it. It feels more meaningful, I think, because you care more about them.
[Ken has his doubts that the choices Minato made were made for the sake of the actual world. Salvation to an indefinite number of people, for an indefinite future. Minato Arisato had been compassionate for those in his life, not philanthropic.]
[It could be interpreted as altruistic of him, but Minato's altruism is contingent on his understanding of those around him. It's only by extrapolating that understanding onto the rest of the world that he'd felt so motivated, like he was making the right choice to save everyone and not just his friends.
His willingness to do so draws directly from his relationships with the people he knows.]
If I go home now and Kaneda-san catches me, I'll probably get beat up for being absent so long before I can get a word in.
[He thinks. He's not so sure. Kaneda was never not gentle with him, and he's only saying so because he saw the dates. The whole "ten days" thing hasn't sunk in for him yet.]
I'll go to you. It'll only be about twenty minutes.
[But he's only teasing. Minato knows as well as Ken that Kaneda wouldn't actually hurt him. Not that Minato's spoken to Kaneda all that much, but he trusts his instinctual judgement of people. It's nice, to be able to tease Ken; he can't resist doing it. It slips out without conscious thought.
Is it so easy to slide back into this pattern, like he'd never been gone? Like Minato had never died? ... Is there a reason it should be harder?
He'll do what he does best: not question it.]
Alright. I'll wait.
[And if Minato is surprised by the force with which his throat squeezes shut, preventing speech, when he finally opens the door on Ken, then at least he has his habitual reticence to explain it as he wordlessly opens his arms.
There's a lot of things he's learned in the past few months. That this is the time for a hug is one of them.]
[Ken's consciously putting in effort to make this "transition" as easy as possible. That is to say, act as if there's no transition at all. It's been ten days, but it's only been ten days. It's not the first time Ken disappeared and it's not the first time Ken's returned. And this time, he's in a much better state. What's there to worry about? Ken won't let there be.
He's still amazed at how well he controls his expression when Minato opens the door. He knew and this was expected, but seeing Minato standing in front of him, silent but smiling and alive was just not something he could've truly prepared for.
But Minato provides him an escape -- as always -- with those open arms and he actually doesn't hesitate to throw himself into them. He doesn't hold back; maybe he'll knock him over, maybe they'll stumble, but that doesn't matter. It's just his arms around him and his face pressed against his front. He recognizes the smell of his friend's detergent and the cats he lives with and the warmth of his living body is overwhelming.
The last time he saw Minato, he was dressed in white and his hands were cold. This is much, much better.]
[He stumbles back just one step before bracing himself, too used to summoning not to handle the recoil. Minato wraps his arms around Ken (his friend? his teammate? ... his ward? Why does he need a word, anyway?) and closes his eyes, still silent.
It's not that Minato was truly devastated by Ken being gone for ten days. He's used to that, to losing people, although he's not as used to it as he is to not having anyone in the first place. But it's not so different a thing to return to, and he had other people. He'd known Ken was alive and would continue being alive, somewhere if not here in front of him. No, Minato had known he would be fine, maybe not immediately but eventually; he'd accept Ken's absence and move forward, embracing what he did have as best as he was able.
But this moment... loss and return...
It feels like the counterpoint to the moment of his death, when he'd held up his finger and realized he would never have that warmth for himself again. And he was okay with that, if it meant that they didn't have to bear that, too.
Yet here he is-- with what he'd been expecting to be deprived of forever returned to him. It's representative of so much more. All the potential that being here represents, that not just Ken might come back to him but everyone else, too, Yukari and Junpei and Mitsuru and maybe even his social links that weren't SEES. Minato might not have to have lost them, any of them, at all, not if he stays here long enough.
It's such a wild hope. He doesn't want to credit it.
Lightly squeezing Ken to him, uncaring of the sight they make from the street as they stand there in the doorway, Minato feels the first real breath of that hope whisper through him, tentative and young.]
[He realizes this is risky. The Ken Amada of November would never have shown this kind of affection. He could be giving himself away! But he's not so worried; he may be from November in his lies, but he isn't the same Ken. He's the Ken who has the eight months he spent in Nonah, and this Ken's relationship with Minato was different. It was warmer, closer, nurtured in the relative peace they had from a world without the Dark Hour.
Besides, even if that weren't case, he wouldn't have passed this up. He closes his eyes too as they hold each other, wondering if he just listened hard enough he could hear the beat of his leader's -- such a precious, precious friend -- heart and catch the sound of his breath. The warmth of his body seeps through the thick winter uniform he's wearing, and Ken fights back the tears that sting his eyes. Even if he knew intuitively that they could be with each other in this world, the knowledge of Minao's death that followed him from Iwatodai makes his presence here all the more precious.
He'd accepted his death. Understood his sacrifice and vowed to carry on, treasure the gift of life he'd given. But aah, he missed him so much. He wanted to see him so, so much, and he never wants to lose him again. His fingers curl around the fabric of Minato's shirt and he refuses to let go, letting this moment sink in. At their feet, Koromaru quietly presses his body against their ankles, fluffy tail swishing gently in a show of his joy, too.]
Edited (i couldn't stand not having the right icon for this) 2015-10-27 09:12 (UTC)
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But at the same time, if he ever gave himself room to examine it, Minato wouldn't be sure at all that he'd have the fortitude to endure the resulting fallout himself. Life before meeting them had always been a gray slog, drifting through a morass of faceless others that were left indistinct by his apathy. Escaping that was like sleeping, only he never had to wake up. Explaining that to them without hurting them was impossible. And so he'd been relieved none of his teammates here were from after the confrontation with Nyx... and he's relieved again now. His heart rate settles (when had that elevated?) and if he's smart enough or perceptive enough to question this answer, then he elects not to.
Selective self-knowledge has always been his primary coping mechanism. The idea that he's someone that needs protection, or moreso than Ken could need to protect him, has never occurred to him.
Minato lets out a silent breath. The sounds around him filter back in.] That's good. So you have Kala-Nemi again, both ways. I never asked, but that means...
[He grows wistful.] You've found your reason? [Just like he'd found his, eventually. Minato had never known the details of this for Ken before, he'd just known that it'd happened.]
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He turned into fire. Why is that not actually the strangest thing he's been through? He keeps the phone against his ear as he and Koromaru start to walk, step after step down the American sidewalk. The air is cooler than he remembers.
He remembers the sting of Aigis' bullet across his cheek, right under his eye. A millimeter over and she could have blinded him. An inch over, and will that bullet have shot through his skull? Ken listens to Minato's question and forces himself to listen instead of thinking too hard about how lucky he is, to be able to listen to this person's voice again. He doesn't want to be without it ever again. Not if he can help it.
Minato should never find out what came after, he thinks to himself. He shouldn't, and it shouldn't matter, because what mattered was the time he had right now, isn't it? If he can only move forward... then it's unnecessary to hurt him with something like that.]
... The answer, I haven't found yet, [he says, stuffing the Truths into a chest in his heart and locking it, throwing the key away.] But I know what I'm going to do. Here, back home. I'm going to move forward, as far as I can go, and maybe I'll find the answer on the way.
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It's funny, [he muses.] I think that was what I said to you a few months ago... wasn't it? Because it was what had happened to me.
[Minato certainly hadn't been looking for it when it'd happened to him. He'd resisted it for months, in fact-- or maybe just been clueless. When was it stubborn refusal and when was it understandable ignorance? It was hard, absurdly hard to find and accept a reason to move forward. It was the whole mentality behind the Fall, and Minato wasn't exempt from it: that sucking inward pull, an undertow pulling you into isolation and emotional parsimony, a kind of protective inner miser doling out attachment and commitment in as small increments as possible.
He'd just stumbled upon the thing that had pierced that protective shell, made the vulnerability worth it instead of a cause for prickly defensiveness. Hearing that Ken plans to go the same way, if more purposefully, is a little warming somehow. Maybe it's like part of him will continue on without him... Minato has never felt that urge before, to have affected others. To be remembered.]
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I don't think he has any regrets, Metis had said, but was Minato capable of thought or emotions as the seal? What could he see from that lonely corner of the universe? How did he feel, right now, with all these secrets that he'd kept to himself? Or at least from Ken. Because Ken, looking back on the time the'd spent together so far, is under no illusion that Minato doesn't know about his own fate yet.
He can't tell Minato what he knows. He can't tell Minato, or Akihiko, or Shinjiro, or anybody what he and Koromaru have seen, what they have been through. Ken had been the furthest back of the team before; now, he was ahead of everybody, even Minato because Minato's time in Iwatodai has not moved forward since that day. And how can you tell someone that you've moved forward from that?
You just don't. And to Ken, it doesn't matter what happened back there. He said it to Shinjiro and he said it to Tetsuo and the belief doesn't change for Minato, either: his time is still moving here, and as far as Ken is considered, it will keep moving. They're alive here.
He laughs. It's a soft sound.]
You're a dirty cheater, you knew it was going to happen, Minato-san.
But you're right. It was what you said. I'm ready to move forward...
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There's nothing to say all of Minato's friends won't leave one day, and he'll be here where even death isn't an answer.
Right now, though... right now... All he can focus on is how much easier his breath is coming without that weight on his chest.]
I did tell you I was 'cheating'. But even so, I still have faith that you'll be alright.
Do you know what you'll do next, or is it the same as it was before you left?
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[There's a certain tone to Ken's voice, like he might just be chatting with a school friend on the phone. An easiness to the way he talks, a lack of that urgency that was usually quite characteristic of him. And truly, that's how he feels right now. Despite the answer that he gives Minato, there, is in fact, nothing for Ken to hurry back to anymore. The end he promised Shinjiro he would see through to had arrived, and there was nothing for him to do anymore.
That's kind of nice. There's nothing he has to do. So he's free todo whatever the hell he wants, whether that is to keep fighting or return to being a civilian or be a hero in this world for however long he's here. Maybe it's another week. Maybe another year. Maybe he'll grow old and retire and collect social security and even die here before he gets sent back to being eleven. But he doesn't think that far ahead, because just on the other end of this line is someone he had, only hours ago in that isolated dormitory, accepted that he would probably never see again.
Here in this world, Minato is here. However long that may be. And Minato can only be here, and he doesn't want to waste it. This is the world that gave him the chances after he overlooked them the first time. Desperately, desperately, he swallows back the dread and anxiety that tries to crawl up his throat much like Erebus had reached for the Seal. It still gives him shivers, thinking about that monstrous, disgusting thing trying to get to what had been -- what still was -- Minato. His smile falters for a moment, so he's glad that this is audio.]
I have no idea, you know? But... I think that's okay, now. I think, first, I should find all the people who left me all these messages while I was gone. I'd like to see you again, too.
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He's honestly glad to hear that Ken has become okay. He'd known he would, or at least thought so based on what he'd seen-- they'd never had a social link-- but that's not the same as it being true here.
That's all that's going through his mind. He's certainly not thinking about Erebus. Of all the topics Minato avoids, that one he avoids the most vehemently.]
Did you call me first? Ah... I shouldn't keep you. But I'd like to see you, too.
Your piano must be rusty now, huh? We should practice.
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[The most honest answer: No. But explaining why he called Hisoka the Magician of all people first? Not happening. Besides, he didn't call Hisoka, so it's fine, right?
Besides, Ken's heartbeat is too busy picking up speed right now. I'd like to see you too. He was waffling on whether he should ask to see him or not, wanting to look at his face but not sure how pushy is too pushy, which is silly considering who he's talking to but he's relieved to hear it from Minato, first, and he stops in his steps. He's just outside the Porter, hasn't declared his destination yet.]
I want to see you too, Minato-san. I definitely have to practice again, I want to play something with you.
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As much as Ken hadn't been sure he'd ever see Minato again, Minato had been equally uncertain. If he'd never come back, there was no way... So of course he wants to see him, to appease that irrational part of himself that needs reassurance that it's real and not just a voice on the phone.
It's not like Minato hasn't spoken to people no one else could see before.]
Actually, Ken-kun... about that... [A short pause. Minato isn't one to show hesitation very often; he just sounds faintly reluctant.] Could I ask you for a favor?
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But it's just a phone call, and Minato has no way of knowing, right? It'll be for nothing if he lets it slip now! And if Minato, that Minato Arisato, needs a favor from him, then Ken will be damned if he doesn't do his best to come through on it.]
A favor? Of course, Minato-san... what can I do?
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Which is the whole reason he needs this favor. Sounding just a little bit flatly put upon,] They told me at school I need to apply for university, but there's nothing I really feel strongly about aside from music, so I thought I'd apply to that...
But I have to audition. If you think you could learn the piano for Clair de Lune, that would be really helpful.
1/
2/
3/
/4
[Don't you want someone better at the piano Minato-san???]
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[But would Minato rather have a more technically proficient stranger to accompany him, or a close friend he wasn't sure he'd ever see again? No contest. It's not like he cares if he gets into college anyway. Minato could work at the clothing store indefinitely as long as he got to keep seeing his friends.]
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No! [he blurts out before he's even finished the thought.] No, I want to do it! I'll be happy to.
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Okay. I appreciate it. ... It's easier to play for friends than strangers. Does that make sense?
[Mostly because that's who he's playing for regardless.]
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[Ken has his doubts that the choices Minato made were made for the sake of the actual world. Salvation to an indefinite number of people, for an indefinite future. Minato Arisato had been compassionate for those in his life, not philanthropic.]
... Where are you, right now?
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His willingness to do so draws directly from his relationships with the people he knows.]
... I'm at home. Should I come over?
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[He thinks. He's not so sure. Kaneda was never not gentle with him, and he's only saying so because he saw the dates. The whole "ten days" thing hasn't sunk in for him yet.]
I'll go to you. It'll only be about twenty minutes.
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[But he's only teasing. Minato knows as well as Ken that Kaneda wouldn't actually hurt him. Not that Minato's spoken to Kaneda all that much, but he trusts his instinctual judgement of people. It's nice, to be able to tease Ken; he can't resist doing it. It slips out without conscious thought.
Is it so easy to slide back into this pattern, like he'd never been gone? Like Minato had never died? ... Is there a reason it should be harder?
He'll do what he does best: not question it.]
Alright. I'll wait.
[And if Minato is surprised by the force with which his throat squeezes shut, preventing speech, when he finally opens the door on Ken, then at least he has his habitual reticence to explain it as he wordlessly opens his arms.
There's a lot of things he's learned in the past few months. That this is the time for a hug is one of them.]
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He's still amazed at how well he controls his expression when Minato opens the door. He knew and this was expected, but seeing Minato standing in front of him, silent but smiling and alive was just not something he could've truly prepared for.
But Minato provides him an escape -- as always -- with those open arms and he actually doesn't hesitate to throw himself into them. He doesn't hold back; maybe he'll knock him over, maybe they'll stumble, but that doesn't matter. It's just his arms around him and his face pressed against his front. He recognizes the smell of his friend's detergent and the cats he lives with and the warmth of his living body is overwhelming.
The last time he saw Minato, he was dressed in white and his hands were cold. This is much, much better.]
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It's not that Minato was truly devastated by Ken being gone for ten days. He's used to that, to losing people, although he's not as used to it as he is to not having anyone in the first place. But it's not so different a thing to return to, and he had other people. He'd known Ken was alive and would continue being alive, somewhere if not here in front of him. No, Minato had known he would be fine, maybe not immediately but eventually; he'd accept Ken's absence and move forward, embracing what he did have as best as he was able.
But this moment... loss and return...
It feels like the counterpoint to the moment of his death, when he'd held up his finger and realized he would never have that warmth for himself again. And he was okay with that, if it meant that they didn't have to bear that, too.
Yet here he is-- with what he'd been expecting to be deprived of forever returned to him. It's representative of so much more. All the potential that being here represents, that not just Ken might come back to him but everyone else, too, Yukari and Junpei and Mitsuru and maybe even his social links that weren't SEES. Minato might not have to have lost them, any of them, at all, not if he stays here long enough.
It's such a wild hope. He doesn't want to credit it.
Lightly squeezing Ken to him, uncaring of the sight they make from the street as they stand there in the doorway, Minato feels the first real breath of that hope whisper through him, tentative and young.]
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Besides, even if that weren't case, he wouldn't have passed this up. He closes his eyes too as they hold each other, wondering if he just listened hard enough he could hear the beat of his leader's -- such a precious, precious friend -- heart and catch the sound of his breath. The warmth of his body seeps through the thick winter uniform he's wearing, and Ken fights back the tears that sting his eyes. Even if he knew intuitively that they could be with each other in this world, the knowledge of Minao's death that followed him from Iwatodai makes his presence here all the more precious.
He'd accepted his death. Understood his sacrifice and vowed to carry on, treasure the gift of life he'd given. But aah, he missed him so much. He wanted to see him so, so much, and he never wants to lose him again. His fingers curl around the fabric of Minato's shirt and he refuses to let go, letting this moment sink in. At their feet, Koromaru quietly presses his body against their ankles, fluffy tail swishing gently in a show of his joy, too.]
I don't have exactly the right icon for this either... :(
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