[He's happy. He can say that confidently now. When he feels this sad, and this scared, he's certain it's because he finally has a happiness to be afraid of losing again. Instead of mourning what he once had, he has something now. And that's good! That's good, but...]
I guess I'm just-- I'm scared. If they disappear now, I won't be able to say, "At least they'll be happy," because I won't know. When I miss the people who used to be here, I think about what they could be doing that'll make them happy. But if they're gone, there's none of that.
[That's a tough one. It's something that everyone here lives in fear of, isn't it? Having your people from awful worlds, who are dead back home, be ported out before you know it? It's happened to Jaime more times than he cares thinking about it, to people who've talked about wanting to stay here forever because their homes are so miserable. Even if Ken's friends make it out all right, Jaime knows for a fact that there's plenty of people he already has that concern about -- mostly because he lives with one of them.]
Yeah. Yeah, that's a scary one. I think that's the sort of thing that scares everyone here.
[Everyone knows someone... either that, or they are that someone.]
I'm not gonna tell you not to be scared now, or to be sad if it happens, but you have to have hope too. Until you know something for a fact, you can't just assume the worst.
[God, he hopes he's not talking out of his ass.]
I don't think they'd want you to assume the worst either.
[It's in moments like these that he remembers what Kala-Nemi is and feels her strongest in his heart. What she stands for and what she means to him, exactly what answer he had to reach before he was able to meet her.]
They wouldn't. And they wouldn't want me to mope about it either. They didn't want to...
A lot of people would disagree, but... I think it might be harder than just about anyone else.
[He's been told before that he's too naive, too idealistic for his own good, like being good and trying to hang onto what's positive in life is easy. It's not. Not all the time, anyway.
His grip on Ken's shoulder tightens a little, and he bends over just a touch so he can look Ken in the eye and feels for a moment very much like his father. He's had this talk with Jaime before too -- not with such high stakes at hand, of course, but something like it.]
And it's okay to be scared, or sad. Moping a little bit's probably what you should do. You just can't let it haunt you forever.
[Jaime leans in to peer, and Ken turns his head just a little. Not so much that he's looking away completely, but enough to avert his gaze and avoid that eye contact.]
I'm not gonna let it haunt me... I don't want them to worry about me.
[Even if Ken avoids his gaze, Jaime doesn't break eye contact. He can look back at him when he's ready.]
It's a lot easier to say than it is to do it, but... you know that much already. Maybe you don't want them to worry about you, but if you need to be sad somewhere else, you know where to go.
[If nothing else, Jaime can give Ken a soft place to fall.]
[Jaime pauses to consider that. There's a chance of them remembering, but considering what happens when their minds get tampered with most of the time?]
Probably not. We usually don't remember any time travel stuff around here, right? So you'll be stuck knowing more than them again.
[This time, unlike the burdened frown he showed when talking about secrets from Minato, Ken... smiles. He's relieved.]
It's okay. I'm okay with that, if they don't have to suffer. It's different from knowing that you're already dead, to think that the moment you go back you might die.
[Jaime should know better than to question Ken's smiles, than to make him overthink something when he's clearly happy about it, but he can't restrain the vivid surprise that crosses his face. He had never considered it anything but a burden, all of the times he had known about someone else's doom before they did.]
That won't be hard for you, having to keep that secret?
... I want Mabel and Dipper to keep smiling. If they are, I'll be able to, too. They're my age, you know? If they knew the same about me, I think they'd want the same for me, too.
[Jaime had been dancing around the who for a while, but he had known, in the end, that it was Mabel and Dipper. It doesn't matter either way, not really; all that matters is that they're Ken's friends - and more - and that Ken will take care of them as best as he's able.]
If that's what works best for you, then I'm glad. Let me know when they get back to normal whether or not they forget, okay?
[It won't make a huge difference to him, but he wants to know where Ken's at.]
[Ken wonders for just a moment if that request is because Jaime knows them, then realizes that that's not it. If Jaime really wanted to, he could check on the twins himself; they were only a few houses apart. But Jaime wants to hear it from Ken so he can use that opportunity to check on him. As always, looking out for him.
His expression relaxes. He should stop forcing cheerfulness around Jaime. The guy knows better than that.]
[Keeping secrets, he means. Fearing what the future holds for their friends, he means. There are problems that everyone has, normal, good, everyday problems, like a bully at school, or worrying about homework, or feeling embarrassed in front of the person you like, but the life of an imPort is, suffice to say, a little different. What would have been material for overwhelming grief back home is commonplace here.
Who else can they rely upon if not each other?]
You can count of the people who've been right there with you.
[Who could understand this better than the people who went through the exact same things? Minato and Shinjiro were not the only ones returning to their deaths, should the day come. Dipper and Mabel are not the only ones who were facing what could be their doom. It didn't make it any easier, but Ken didn't have to be alone in knowing about it.]
I guess I still try to carry things on my own a lot.
[He gives Ken a little grin.] But you know that me and Minato won't let you, if we have anything to do with it. Or any of your other friends.
[And Ken's got plenty, more than he ever expected him to gain when he first came into this world, looking so sad and alone. Even now, talking openly about the things that are troubling him, is a huge improvement, and Jaime feels moved to lean over to ruffle that wavy, thick hair of his.]
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[He's happy. He can say that confidently now. When he feels this sad, and this scared, he's certain it's because he finally has a happiness to be afraid of losing again. Instead of mourning what he once had, he has something now. And that's good! That's good, but...]
I guess I'm just-- I'm scared. If they disappear now, I won't be able to say, "At least they'll be happy," because I won't know. When I miss the people who used to be here, I think about what they could be doing that'll make them happy. But if they're gone, there's none of that.
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Yeah. Yeah, that's a scary one. I think that's the sort of thing that scares everyone here.
[Everyone knows someone... either that, or they are that someone.]
I'm not gonna tell you not to be scared now, or to be sad if it happens, but you have to have hope too. Until you know something for a fact, you can't just assume the worst.
[God, he hopes he's not talking out of his ass.]
I don't think they'd want you to assume the worst either.
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[It's in moments like these that he remembers what Kala-Nemi is and feels her strongest in his heart. What she stands for and what she means to him, exactly what answer he had to reach before he was able to meet her.]
They wouldn't. And they wouldn't want me to mope about it either. They didn't want to...
Hope it just... really hard.
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[He's been told before that he's too naive, too idealistic for his own good, like being good and trying to hang onto what's positive in life is easy. It's not. Not all the time, anyway.
His grip on Ken's shoulder tightens a little, and he bends over just a touch so he can look Ken in the eye and feels for a moment very much like his father. He's had this talk with Jaime before too -- not with such high stakes at hand, of course, but something like it.]
And it's okay to be scared, or sad. Moping a little bit's probably what you should do. You just can't let it haunt you forever.
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I'm not gonna let it haunt me... I don't want them to worry about me.
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It's a lot easier to say than it is to do it, but... you know that much already. Maybe you don't want them to worry about you, but if you need to be sad somewhere else, you know where to go.
[If nothing else, Jaime can give Ken a soft place to fall.]
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[Jaime has always been there to cushion Ken's falls. He knows that.]
Thank you. I just-- do you think they'll forget once this is all fixed and everyone goes back to the time they're from?
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Probably not. We usually don't remember any time travel stuff around here, right? So you'll be stuck knowing more than them again.
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[This time, unlike the burdened frown he showed when talking about secrets from Minato, Ken... smiles. He's relieved.]
It's okay. I'm okay with that, if they don't have to suffer. It's different from knowing that you're already dead, to think that the moment you go back you might die.
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[Jaime should know better than to question Ken's smiles, than to make him overthink something when he's clearly happy about it, but he can't restrain the vivid surprise that crosses his face. He had never considered it anything but a burden, all of the times he had known about someone else's doom before they did.]
That won't be hard for you, having to keep that secret?
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... I want Mabel and Dipper to keep smiling. If they are, I'll be able to, too. They're my age, you know? If they knew the same about me, I think they'd want the same for me, too.
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If that's what works best for you, then I'm glad. Let me know when they get back to normal whether or not they forget, okay?
[It won't make a huge difference to him, but he wants to know where Ken's at.]
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His expression relaxes. He should stop forcing cheerfulness around Jaime. The guy knows better than that.]
Yeah. I will. Thanks, Jaime-san.
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[Keeping secrets, he means. Fearing what the future holds for their friends, he means. There are problems that everyone has, normal, good, everyday problems, like a bully at school, or worrying about homework, or feeling embarrassed in front of the person you like, but the life of an imPort is, suffice to say, a little different. What would have been material for overwhelming grief back home is commonplace here.
Who else can they rely upon if not each other?]
You can count of the people who've been right there with you.
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[Who could understand this better than the people who went through the exact same things? Minato and Shinjiro were not the only ones returning to their deaths, should the day come. Dipper and Mabel are not the only ones who were facing what could be their doom. It didn't make it any easier, but Ken didn't have to be alone in knowing about it.]
I guess I still try to carry things on my own a lot.
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[He gives Ken a little grin.] But you know that me and Minato won't let you, if we have anything to do with it. Or any of your other friends.
[And Ken's got plenty, more than he ever expected him to gain when he first came into this world, looking so sad and alone. Even now, talking openly about the things that are troubling him, is a huge improvement, and Jaime feels moved to lean over to ruffle that wavy, thick hair of his.]
And you do the same for everyone else, too.