[Ken's answer to the first comment is a quiet laugh of agreement. Being taller and in a different body is one thing, he thinks, but this time, it wasn't just a few people who had their memories altered. It ran deeper than physical differences this time, and he isn't sure what would've happened if he got pulled backward or forward in time. Especially the former.
But then, at the question, he quiets, not looking up at Jaime but not looking away, either. He continues to watch where they're going for a few more steps before he casts his eyes down, lips curling down in a small frown.]
I'm not in trouble or anything. So you don't have to worry about me getting hurt. I just... if everyone who's affected by this is experiencing their future, or going back to their past, then there's someone I want to help, but I can't do anything about it because it's in their world. [His hand curls into a fist around Jaime's shirt.] And I think they're going to die.
[It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Jaime wants to know who, but has the good sense not to ask. He's been through this often enough to realize that knowing another's future is sacred, that sometimes, it's better not to know.
Jaime wishes Ken didn't know. Maybe one time, he really did believe that knowledge ins power, but he's beginning to think it's nothing but trouble, that fate is immutable -- but he can't believe that, not fully. That would mean giving up hope.
If he gives up hope, then who's around to help give Ken some?]
I'm sorry. [He places one hand on Ken's shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance. You'd think he'd know how to help people with this kind of news by now, but he still doesn't.]
You can't do it yet, anyway; traveling to different worlds isn't impossible. But I get that doesn't help you or them now.
Do they think they're going to die too? They might know better than you do.
They're the ones who told me. Their enemy back home trapped them, and was choosing which one of them he was going to...
[Ken shakes his head. He doesn't want to reveal that it's the twins, and he doesn't want to say the words. He's still in a bit of denial, or at least wanting to.]
[Them. Plural. That's always fun, isn't it? Learning that there's more than one?]
But it hasn't happened yet.
[Jaime knows a little something about holding onto hope, but Ken, Ken's had to face down another's hopes and shoot it down for the greater good. Would he really be doing Ken a service by providing him with false hope?
But hell, Jaime's got false hope of his own too, hope that Minato and Shinji will come home with him, hope that they still have time to save Wally. It helps about as much as prayer does, which is intermittently and depending on his mood.]
People have gotten out of worse scrapes before, Ken. And the people you know are stubborn.
[Not that stubbornness tends to save them in the end, but it at least opens up the possibility.]
I know that doesn't make things better now, from where you can't help stop it, but it's not a done deal either.
[He nods, tense. Jaime is right. It hadn't happened yet. It's not a done deal. He knows that.
He knows that.]
But I think they gave up. They told me there's nothing they can do, and they're going to hope they can stay here forever. It's not that I don't understand.
[This is why it had to be Jaime. Jaime knew everything about SEES, was the one Ken told the most about them to. Sometimes he regrets burdening him like this. Other days, he's glad to have someone outside who understands and cares about them like Jaime does.]
We decided to fight that day even if it was impossible. Mochizuki-san said over and over that we couldn't defeat Nyx, and we'd only die in fear, and he wanted to give us a way out so we could live normally until we died. But we didn't want to give up.
But -- but I can't tell them that. We couldn't defeat Nyx, either. She wasn't meant to be defeated. And the only... the only reason I'm alive now is because Minato-san gave up his life. That sort of thing doesn't just happen all the time. There was nothing I could say for them.
There's still a chance that there's someone at home who will step in -- someone who loves them just as much as Minato loves you.
[That's one of the truths of their lives, isn't it? Minato loves SEES, and he loves Ken especially. There's nothing that he wouldn't do to secure their safety, and Jaime hopes that everyone has that person, that one person who would do anything for them to keep them safe.
He knows that his family feels that way about him, after all. It's not like his Dad picks up his shotgun for just anyone.]
You're right that it doesn't happen all the time, and that it doesn't even happen that often... but it happens more than you think, Ken. I've seen it happen so many times now. But if they won't listen to that, all you can do is be there for them.
[He reaches out for Ken's shoulder and squeezes it.]
But it's not always easy being there for someone either.
[Poor Ken. He's been a support system for so many people now, but he's still so young.]
[Ken's living proof that there are multiple people like that. Minato isn't the only reason he's alive after all, he corrects himself silently, thinking about how that may have been the most recent and obvious sacrifice, but Ken's been saved by the sacrifices of other people, too. Even if his mother's death had been an accident, and Shinjiro was murdered by Takaya, both of their final acts were saving him, too. And unrelated to him, Koromaru nearly gave his life protecting his master's home even after his death.
Jaime was right. There're more than he might think, but, he hopes, if there is anybody who'll jump in like that to save Dipper and Mabel, they don't die doing it. The weight of a life given to save another weighs so heavily on the one who survives. Ken's shoulder is tense and tight under Jaime's hand, and he doesn't know how to unwind himself.]
I just want them to be happy, and alive. I thought -- even if we couldn't stay here forever, I wanted them to be able to be happy. But if they die...
[Jaime doesn't know how to help Ken relax either. Maybe that's because he doesn't know how to do it for himself; he knows a countless number of people who are going home to either certain death, or almost certain death, and every time he thinks about it, he can feel it working him into knots upon knots. He's in the position of support almost every day, and he knows better than almost anyone how draining that can be, how sleepless nights are not haunted by your own problems, but by the problems of another.
But that's what you sign up for when you open your heart to someone else, as Ken has to a surprising amount of people here. Standing back, it's easy to see how many ties Ken has to the world, how he likely has even more than Jaime does at this point. That opens up a whole lot of joy for Ken, perhaps... but a whole lot of sorrow too.]
That's a big if, [Jaime says, though he knows it's inadequate. He considers, momentarily, bringing up the afterlife... but if Ken doesn't believe in that, bringing it up would only make things worse. Jaime believes in something, of course, but it's difficult not to when you've come face to face with the vengeful spirit of god, when you've known another who's made a literal deal with the devil.]
[Dipper and Mabel were, as far as Ken knew, pretty happy. They had their friends, they had their family, they had each other. And they had told Ken as much. If he couldn't believe that, he wouldn't be able to believe anything they said.]
They miss their parents. I think -- I think that's normal, when you have family to go back to. But I think so.
[So his friends, plural, stuck in the same fate, young enough to miss their parents... it's enough clues for Jaime to have an inkling about who it is Ken's talking about. He doesn't voice it out loud though, decides to let Ken at least project the illusion of privacy. Knowing who it is doesn't make a difference in the long run.]
Yeah, that's normal. I mean, that's the boat I'm in.
[He's worried about a lot of things, and stressed, and life here is downright traumatic sometimes, but when it comes down to it, he'd still say that he's happy. He's surrounded by good people, and people that he loves. While things could be better, that's all he really needs to fulfill his own happiness. Maybe it's the same for Ken's friends.]
So... even if you can't do anything else, that's one thing to hold onto, okay? They're happy here and now. And I'm sure you're a big reason for why they are.
[He's happy. He can say that confidently now. When he feels this sad, and this scared, he's certain it's because he finally has a happiness to be afraid of losing again. Instead of mourning what he once had, he has something now. And that's good! That's good, but...]
I guess I'm just-- I'm scared. If they disappear now, I won't be able to say, "At least they'll be happy," because I won't know. When I miss the people who used to be here, I think about what they could be doing that'll make them happy. But if they're gone, there's none of that.
[That's a tough one. It's something that everyone here lives in fear of, isn't it? Having your people from awful worlds, who are dead back home, be ported out before you know it? It's happened to Jaime more times than he cares thinking about it, to people who've talked about wanting to stay here forever because their homes are so miserable. Even if Ken's friends make it out all right, Jaime knows for a fact that there's plenty of people he already has that concern about -- mostly because he lives with one of them.]
Yeah. Yeah, that's a scary one. I think that's the sort of thing that scares everyone here.
[Everyone knows someone... either that, or they are that someone.]
I'm not gonna tell you not to be scared now, or to be sad if it happens, but you have to have hope too. Until you know something for a fact, you can't just assume the worst.
[God, he hopes he's not talking out of his ass.]
I don't think they'd want you to assume the worst either.
[It's in moments like these that he remembers what Kala-Nemi is and feels her strongest in his heart. What she stands for and what she means to him, exactly what answer he had to reach before he was able to meet her.]
They wouldn't. And they wouldn't want me to mope about it either. They didn't want to...
A lot of people would disagree, but... I think it might be harder than just about anyone else.
[He's been told before that he's too naive, too idealistic for his own good, like being good and trying to hang onto what's positive in life is easy. It's not. Not all the time, anyway.
His grip on Ken's shoulder tightens a little, and he bends over just a touch so he can look Ken in the eye and feels for a moment very much like his father. He's had this talk with Jaime before too -- not with such high stakes at hand, of course, but something like it.]
And it's okay to be scared, or sad. Moping a little bit's probably what you should do. You just can't let it haunt you forever.
[Jaime leans in to peer, and Ken turns his head just a little. Not so much that he's looking away completely, but enough to avert his gaze and avoid that eye contact.]
I'm not gonna let it haunt me... I don't want them to worry about me.
[Even if Ken avoids his gaze, Jaime doesn't break eye contact. He can look back at him when he's ready.]
It's a lot easier to say than it is to do it, but... you know that much already. Maybe you don't want them to worry about you, but if you need to be sad somewhere else, you know where to go.
[If nothing else, Jaime can give Ken a soft place to fall.]
[Jaime pauses to consider that. There's a chance of them remembering, but considering what happens when their minds get tampered with most of the time?]
Probably not. We usually don't remember any time travel stuff around here, right? So you'll be stuck knowing more than them again.
[This time, unlike the burdened frown he showed when talking about secrets from Minato, Ken... smiles. He's relieved.]
It's okay. I'm okay with that, if they don't have to suffer. It's different from knowing that you're already dead, to think that the moment you go back you might die.
[Jaime should know better than to question Ken's smiles, than to make him overthink something when he's clearly happy about it, but he can't restrain the vivid surprise that crosses his face. He had never considered it anything but a burden, all of the times he had known about someone else's doom before they did.]
That won't be hard for you, having to keep that secret?
... I want Mabel and Dipper to keep smiling. If they are, I'll be able to, too. They're my age, you know? If they knew the same about me, I think they'd want the same for me, too.
[Jaime had been dancing around the who for a while, but he had known, in the end, that it was Mabel and Dipper. It doesn't matter either way, not really; all that matters is that they're Ken's friends - and more - and that Ken will take care of them as best as he's able.]
If that's what works best for you, then I'm glad. Let me know when they get back to normal whether or not they forget, okay?
[It won't make a huge difference to him, but he wants to know where Ken's at.]
[Ken wonders for just a moment if that request is because Jaime knows them, then realizes that that's not it. If Jaime really wanted to, he could check on the twins himself; they were only a few houses apart. But Jaime wants to hear it from Ken so he can use that opportunity to check on him. As always, looking out for him.
His expression relaxes. He should stop forcing cheerfulness around Jaime. The guy knows better than that.]
[Keeping secrets, he means. Fearing what the future holds for their friends, he means. There are problems that everyone has, normal, good, everyday problems, like a bully at school, or worrying about homework, or feeling embarrassed in front of the person you like, but the life of an imPort is, suffice to say, a little different. What would have been material for overwhelming grief back home is commonplace here.
Who else can they rely upon if not each other?]
You can count of the people who've been right there with you.
[Who could understand this better than the people who went through the exact same things? Minato and Shinjiro were not the only ones returning to their deaths, should the day come. Dipper and Mabel are not the only ones who were facing what could be their doom. It didn't make it any easier, but Ken didn't have to be alone in knowing about it.]
I guess I still try to carry things on my own a lot.
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But then, at the question, he quiets, not looking up at Jaime but not looking away, either. He continues to watch where they're going for a few more steps before he casts his eyes down, lips curling down in a small frown.]
I'm not in trouble or anything. So you don't have to worry about me getting hurt. I just... if everyone who's affected by this is experiencing their future, or going back to their past, then there's someone I want to help, but I can't do anything about it because it's in their world. [His hand curls into a fist around Jaime's shirt.] And I think they're going to die.
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[It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Jaime wants to know who, but has the good sense not to ask. He's been through this often enough to realize that knowing another's future is sacred, that sometimes, it's better not to know.
Jaime wishes Ken didn't know. Maybe one time, he really did believe that knowledge ins power, but he's beginning to think it's nothing but trouble, that fate is immutable -- but he can't believe that, not fully. That would mean giving up hope.
If he gives up hope, then who's around to help give Ken some?]
I'm sorry. [He places one hand on Ken's shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance. You'd think he'd know how to help people with this kind of news by now, but he still doesn't.]
You can't do it yet, anyway; traveling to different worlds isn't impossible. But I get that doesn't help you or them now.
Do they think they're going to die too? They might know better than you do.
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[Ken shakes his head. He doesn't want to reveal that it's the twins, and he doesn't want to say the words. He's still in a bit of denial, or at least wanting to.]
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But it hasn't happened yet.
[Jaime knows a little something about holding onto hope, but Ken, Ken's had to face down another's hopes and shoot it down for the greater good. Would he really be doing Ken a service by providing him with false hope?
But hell, Jaime's got false hope of his own too, hope that Minato and Shinji will come home with him, hope that they still have time to save Wally. It helps about as much as prayer does, which is intermittently and depending on his mood.]
People have gotten out of worse scrapes before, Ken. And the people you know are stubborn.
[Not that stubbornness tends to save them in the end, but it at least opens up the possibility.]
I know that doesn't make things better now, from where you can't help stop it, but it's not a done deal either.
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He knows that.]
But I think they gave up. They told me there's nothing they can do, and they're going to hope they can stay here forever. It's not that I don't understand.
[This is why it had to be Jaime. Jaime knew everything about SEES, was the one Ken told the most about them to. Sometimes he regrets burdening him like this. Other days, he's glad to have someone outside who understands and cares about them like Jaime does.]
We decided to fight that day even if it was impossible. Mochizuki-san said over and over that we couldn't defeat Nyx, and we'd only die in fear, and he wanted to give us a way out so we could live normally until we died. But we didn't want to give up.
But -- but I can't tell them that. We couldn't defeat Nyx, either. She wasn't meant to be defeated. And the only... the only reason I'm alive now is because Minato-san gave up his life. That sort of thing doesn't just happen all the time. There was nothing I could say for them.
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[That's one of the truths of their lives, isn't it? Minato loves SEES, and he loves Ken especially. There's nothing that he wouldn't do to secure their safety, and Jaime hopes that everyone has that person, that one person who would do anything for them to keep them safe.
He knows that his family feels that way about him, after all. It's not like his Dad picks up his shotgun for just anyone.]
You're right that it doesn't happen all the time, and that it doesn't even happen that often... but it happens more than you think, Ken. I've seen it happen so many times now. But if they won't listen to that, all you can do is be there for them.
[He reaches out for Ken's shoulder and squeezes it.]
But it's not always easy being there for someone either.
[Poor Ken. He's been a support system for so many people now, but he's still so young.]
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[Ken's living proof that there are multiple people like that. Minato isn't the only reason he's alive after all, he corrects himself silently, thinking about how that may have been the most recent and obvious sacrifice, but Ken's been saved by the sacrifices of other people, too. Even if his mother's death had been an accident, and Shinjiro was murdered by Takaya, both of their final acts were saving him, too. And unrelated to him, Koromaru nearly gave his life protecting his master's home even after his death.
Jaime was right. There're more than he might think, but, he hopes, if there is anybody who'll jump in like that to save Dipper and Mabel, they don't die doing it. The weight of a life given to save another weighs so heavily on the one who survives. Ken's shoulder is tense and tight under Jaime's hand, and he doesn't know how to unwind himself.]
I just want them to be happy, and alive. I thought -- even if we couldn't stay here forever, I wanted them to be able to be happy. But if they die...
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But that's what you sign up for when you open your heart to someone else, as Ken has to a surprising amount of people here. Standing back, it's easy to see how many ties Ken has to the world, how he likely has even more than Jaime does at this point. That opens up a whole lot of joy for Ken, perhaps... but a whole lot of sorrow too.]
That's a big if, [Jaime says, though he knows it's inadequate. He considers, momentarily, bringing up the afterlife... but if Ken doesn't believe in that, bringing it up would only make things worse. Jaime believes in something, of course, but it's difficult not to when you've come face to face with the vengeful spirit of god, when you've known another who's made a literal deal with the devil.]
Are they happy here?
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[Dipper and Mabel were, as far as Ken knew, pretty happy. They had their friends, they had their family, they had each other. And they had told Ken as much. If he couldn't believe that, he wouldn't be able to believe anything they said.]
They miss their parents. I think -- I think that's normal, when you have family to go back to. But I think so.
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Yeah, that's normal. I mean, that's the boat I'm in.
[He's worried about a lot of things, and stressed, and life here is downright traumatic sometimes, but when it comes down to it, he'd still say that he's happy. He's surrounded by good people, and people that he loves. While things could be better, that's all he really needs to fulfill his own happiness. Maybe it's the same for Ken's friends.]
So... even if you can't do anything else, that's one thing to hold onto, okay? They're happy here and now. And I'm sure you're a big reason for why they are.
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[He's happy. He can say that confidently now. When he feels this sad, and this scared, he's certain it's because he finally has a happiness to be afraid of losing again. Instead of mourning what he once had, he has something now. And that's good! That's good, but...]
I guess I'm just-- I'm scared. If they disappear now, I won't be able to say, "At least they'll be happy," because I won't know. When I miss the people who used to be here, I think about what they could be doing that'll make them happy. But if they're gone, there's none of that.
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Yeah. Yeah, that's a scary one. I think that's the sort of thing that scares everyone here.
[Everyone knows someone... either that, or they are that someone.]
I'm not gonna tell you not to be scared now, or to be sad if it happens, but you have to have hope too. Until you know something for a fact, you can't just assume the worst.
[God, he hopes he's not talking out of his ass.]
I don't think they'd want you to assume the worst either.
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[It's in moments like these that he remembers what Kala-Nemi is and feels her strongest in his heart. What she stands for and what she means to him, exactly what answer he had to reach before he was able to meet her.]
They wouldn't. And they wouldn't want me to mope about it either. They didn't want to...
Hope it just... really hard.
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[He's been told before that he's too naive, too idealistic for his own good, like being good and trying to hang onto what's positive in life is easy. It's not. Not all the time, anyway.
His grip on Ken's shoulder tightens a little, and he bends over just a touch so he can look Ken in the eye and feels for a moment very much like his father. He's had this talk with Jaime before too -- not with such high stakes at hand, of course, but something like it.]
And it's okay to be scared, or sad. Moping a little bit's probably what you should do. You just can't let it haunt you forever.
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I'm not gonna let it haunt me... I don't want them to worry about me.
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It's a lot easier to say than it is to do it, but... you know that much already. Maybe you don't want them to worry about you, but if you need to be sad somewhere else, you know where to go.
[If nothing else, Jaime can give Ken a soft place to fall.]
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[Jaime has always been there to cushion Ken's falls. He knows that.]
Thank you. I just-- do you think they'll forget once this is all fixed and everyone goes back to the time they're from?
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Probably not. We usually don't remember any time travel stuff around here, right? So you'll be stuck knowing more than them again.
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[This time, unlike the burdened frown he showed when talking about secrets from Minato, Ken... smiles. He's relieved.]
It's okay. I'm okay with that, if they don't have to suffer. It's different from knowing that you're already dead, to think that the moment you go back you might die.
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[Jaime should know better than to question Ken's smiles, than to make him overthink something when he's clearly happy about it, but he can't restrain the vivid surprise that crosses his face. He had never considered it anything but a burden, all of the times he had known about someone else's doom before they did.]
That won't be hard for you, having to keep that secret?
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... I want Mabel and Dipper to keep smiling. If they are, I'll be able to, too. They're my age, you know? If they knew the same about me, I think they'd want the same for me, too.
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If that's what works best for you, then I'm glad. Let me know when they get back to normal whether or not they forget, okay?
[It won't make a huge difference to him, but he wants to know where Ken's at.]
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His expression relaxes. He should stop forcing cheerfulness around Jaime. The guy knows better than that.]
Yeah. I will. Thanks, Jaime-san.
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[Keeping secrets, he means. Fearing what the future holds for their friends, he means. There are problems that everyone has, normal, good, everyday problems, like a bully at school, or worrying about homework, or feeling embarrassed in front of the person you like, but the life of an imPort is, suffice to say, a little different. What would have been material for overwhelming grief back home is commonplace here.
Who else can they rely upon if not each other?]
You can count of the people who've been right there with you.
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[Who could understand this better than the people who went through the exact same things? Minato and Shinjiro were not the only ones returning to their deaths, should the day come. Dipper and Mabel are not the only ones who were facing what could be their doom. It didn't make it any easier, but Ken didn't have to be alone in knowing about it.]
I guess I still try to carry things on my own a lot.
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